A Matthew Har­ri­son Essay

Okay. Fine. Due to pop­u­lar demand…here it is. Dusted off and ready to go…

…the famous “ist list”…

Scenes and screen­plays are always built around height­ened cir­cum­stances, that is to say, big­ger than every-​day-​life sto­ries. They are superla­tive – mean­ing of the high­est order. (Please read my essay “The Incor­po­real Actor” in which I out­line the three most impor­tant types of words for actors – the sec­ond being the superla­tive adjective/​adverb).

At the Neigh­bor­hood Play­house in New York, Richard Pin­ter use to call superla­tive moments shock of exis­tence moments: the kind of cir­cum­stances that remind you that you are alive – the kind that shock you back into existence:

• propos­ing to your wife at sun­set on the beach
• dis­cov­er­ing your husband’s let­ter from his girlfriend
• meet­ing the daugh­ter you never knew you had

As actors, we act these kind of extra–ordi­nary moments. There­fore, as actors, we must “shock our exis­tence” every time we hear “action”, or “places”, or “rolling”. But as actors, we do so within the character’s cir­cum­stances, within the character’s experience.

And so, we must live our actual lives con­stantly and con­sis­tently shock­ing our­selves in a way that keeps us res­onat­ing and pre­pared to act out what­ever imag­i­nary cir­cum­stance is handed to us within the story.

The beau­ti­ful thing about this work is that in defib­ril­lat­ing our­selves over and over for the sake of charg­ing our instru­ment, we get to see the real world crisp, awake and alive on a daily basis. There is no time to ten­ta­tively walk around the edges of our lives. We must hurl our­selves head-​first into the deep-​end of our lives, our selves, and our imag­i­na­tions so that we are pre­pared to do the job that we are trained to do when called to do so: act out a scene truth­fully with as great an under­stand­ing of that character’s life as we can.

This does NOT mean you need to live an insanely manic life full of reck­less aban­don. In fact, it is absolutely vital that your home life (non-​acting life) be sim­ple and calm, full and clean, and healthy and happy. Tragedy and drama in the real life of an actor always trans­lates as melo­drama, self-​sabotage, and self-​indulgence on the stage and screen.

What it does mean is that you need to live your life car­ing about what you see, what you do, who you meet, what you expe­ri­ence, how you live, who you love, what you need, what affects you, what you believe in, and how you imag­ine things.

It means you need to be present enough in your real life to reg­is­ter the shocks when they hap­pen, to mem­o­rize what trig­gers moved you, to ignite your imag­i­nary world, and to be a mas­ter of your instrument…you.

Or…in the words of Socrates: gnothi seau­ton. Know thyself.

The “ist list” was a series of one hun­dred and twenty ques­tions I use to hand stu­dents in class as a way to research them­selves – to study them­selves. Ist…because the ques­tions were superla­tive ques­tions which always con­tain superla­tive adverbs and adjec­tives like most, worst, best, great­est, least, hard­est, fastest…“ist” words.

It served three purposes:

• As a way to get actors to research per­son­al­iz­ing imag­i­nary cir­cum­stances that often appear in scenes and to be pre­pared for them when they occur
• As a way to train actors to think and see life in a superla­tive way (actors say they start hear­ing the ques­tions everywhere)

And lastly (and really, most importantly)..

• As a way to get actors to either:

1. acknowl­edge the full­ness and rich­ness of their instru­ment (them­selves), and thus take away the inse­cu­rity of “not being enough” , allow­ing the actor to set­tle within them­selves so that they can set­tle within the work; or
2. acknowl­edge that they are not liv­ing their lives in a full and rich enough way and that they must takes steps to change the neg­a­tiv­ity, addic­tion, and self-​sabotage that makes them min­i­mize their lives.

In effect, the “ist list” serves as a sheet of per­sonal psy­cho­log­i­cal trig­gers for the actors – what I call in my classes hooks. I call them hooks because the actor “hooks” on to the emo­tional trig­ger to pull them­selves into the scene as a way of under­stand­ing the character’s emo­tional under­ly­ing truth (along with a phys­i­cal­ized hook, this is the tech­nique of “emo­tional preparation”…again, a whole other essay).

The list is actu­ally longer than the num­ber of ques­tions because many of the ques­tions can and should be answered two ways: (1) as expe­ri­ence; and (2) as imagination.

Take the ques­tion: “What’s the hard­est thing you’ve ever had to say to any­one?” This ques­tion could and should also be re-​phrased as: “What would be the hard­est thing you would ever have to say to any­one?” Some­times expe­ri­ence is the greater shock – some­times imag­i­na­tion. Always, it’s dif­fer­ent for dif­fer­ent people.

And…the answers to many of the ques­tions will change over­time for you. They must. With new expe­ri­ence, new imper­a­tives, and life fully and richly lived, your desires and affec­tions and val­ues ought to be con­stantly be chang­ing. The actor can re-​visit the list peri­od­i­cally. But the very exer­cise of think­ing in this way means that the actor will always be res­onat­ing with truth, hon­esty, and a deeper under­stand­ing of life.

The first three ques­tions are the essence of it all…at the core of who you are:

• Who is the one per­son you love most?
• What do you want most out of your life?
• What do you believe in most?

In fact, these three things are the only things that really mean any­thing to you:

What do you want (life objec­tive), who do you love (life rela­tion­ship) and what do you
believe in (guid­ing life prin­ci­ple) will shape, define, and dic­tate your choices in life.

From those three ques­tions comes all of your act­ing. (The “three things that mean
any­thing to you” is the sub­ject of a whole other essay…)

From those three ques­tions come all the rest of the ques­tions ….from the pro­found to the silly. Most apply to all peo­ple. Some are redun­dant. Some are sur­pris­ingly difficult.

Try and answer all of them as hon­estly as you can. This list is just the tip of the iceberg…there are many, many, many more ques­tions out there. Keep adding to the list.

Have fun. Good luck.

Matthew Har­ri­son

THE “IST” LIST

Who is the one per­son you love most?
What do you want most out of your life?
What do you believe in most?
What would be the best thing any­one could say to you (has said to you)?
What would be the worst thing any­one could say to you (has said to you)?
What sin­gle event in your past has affected you and defined you most?
What do you love most about your self?
What do you hate most about your­self?
What is your worst self-​sabotaging mech­a­nism?
What does the loud­est voice in your head say?
What is your worst fear?
What is your biggest secret?
What is your wildest, most fan­tas­ti­cal dream?
What is the cru­elest thing you have ever done to your­self?
What is the cru­elest thing you have ever done to some­one else?
What is the nicest thing any­one has ever done (could do) for you?
What is the nicest thing you have ever done (could do) for some­one else?
What would be the hard­est thing to sac­ri­fice?
What is the only thing you would never sac­ri­fice?
What is the last thing you will want to see/​hear/​feel/​say before you die?
What are the top ten most vital things you must get done before you die?
What would you most likely die from if it hap­pened today?
What is the most beau­ti­ful cor­ner of the world you have ever seen (you’d like to see)?
What is the worst hell on earth you have ever seen?
Where is the most dan­ger­ous and ter­ri­fy­ing place in the world you have ever been?
Where is the most dan­ger­ous and excit­ing place in the world you have ever been?
Where is the safest place you have ever been?
What is the one thing that you are most proud of?
What is the one thing you did that you never thought that you could do?
What is the one thing that you are most embar­rassed of?
What was the hard­est thing you have ever had to do (will ever have to do)?
What is your biggest regret?
What was your biggest lost oppor­tu­nity?
What are the biggest chal­lenges you have yet to face?
What was the biggest deci­sion you have ever had to make?
What was the biggest deci­sion you were unable to make?
What was the dumb­est deci­sion you have ever made?
What was the best deci­sion you have ever made?
What was your biggest suc­cess?
What was your biggest fail­ure?
What was your biggest mis­take?
What was the most phys­i­cally painful expe­ri­ence you have ever had to suf­fer?
What was the most phys­i­cally incred­i­ble feel­ing you have ever expe­ri­enced?
What is the body part you love most on your­self?
What is the body part you love most on some­one else?
 – What is the body part you hate most on your­self?
What is the body part you hate most on some­one else?
What is your biggest pet peeve?
What are your other pet peeves?
What is your sharpest and best child­hood mem­ory?
What is your sharpest and most painful child­hood mem­ory?
What is the sil­li­est thing about you?
What makes you feel the small­est?
Who do you hate most?
Who do you admire most?
Who do you trust the most?
Who are you most jeal­ous of?
Who do you com­pete with most?
Who was your first roman­tic love?
Who makes you the most anx­ious?
Who makes you self-​conscious?
Who gives you the best advice?
Who is the hard­est per­son to ask a favor from?
Who is the ugli­est son-​of-​a-​bitch you’ve ever met?
Who is the stu­pid­est fuck you’ve ever met?
Who is the per­son you most respect pro­fes­sion­ally
Who is the per­son that intim­i­dates you the most?
Who is the sex­i­est per­son you know?
What is the sex­i­est thing about him/​her?
What is the sex­i­est thing he/​she does to you (did to you/​could do to you)?
What is your nas­ti­est, dirt­i­est sex­ual fan­tasy?
What is the best joke that you have ever heard?
What lie do you always use?
What do you deny your­self most?
What is your biggest prej­u­dice?
What was the most amaz­ing sex you have ever had?
What was the most amaz­ing meal you have ever had?
What was the most amaz­ing party you have ever been to?
What was the most amaz­ing sun­set you have ever seen?
What was the most amaz­ing adren­a­line rush you have ever had?
What was the most amaz­ing sleep you have ever had?
What was the most amaz­ing dream you have ever had?
What was the most amaz­ing fright you have ever had?
What was the most amaz­ing idea you have ever had?
Who is the most famous per­son you have ever met?
What is the most hor­ri­ble story you have ever heard /​read?
What is the most inspir­ing story you have ever heard/​read?
What is your most favorite movie, book, restau­rant, cof­fee shop, food, drink, shirt,
pas­time, music, toy, view, writer, room, time of day, web­site, actor, island, gad­get, child, philo­soph­i­cal idea, gar­nish, city, house, night­mare, sport, flower, car, teacher, street, TV show, ani­mal, vaca­tion, spa treat­ment, weather, smell, board game, quote, color, photo, play­ground, body part, joke, me time, sound, shape, weapon, pil­low?
What was the most grue­some image you have ever seen?
What is the hard­est news you have ever had to hear?
What is the most scared you have ever been?
What pet did you (do you) love the most?
What is the last thing you would wish on any­one else?
What would be the most depress­ing idea you could have?
What is the one thing that you could never accept in a rela­tion­ship?
What is the only rea­son that you would kill another per­son?
What was the biggest humil­i­a­tion you have ever expe­ri­enced?
What was the biggest sur­prise you have ever expe­ri­enced?
What was the biggest joy you have ever expe­ri­enced?
What was the biggest dis­ap­point­ment you have ever expe­ri­enced?
What was the biggest cri­sis you have ever expe­ri­enced?
What was the biggest rage you have ever expe­ri­enced?
What was the best thing you have got­ten away with?
What is the hard­est pill you have ever had to swal­low?
What would be the one and only thing worth giv­ing up all your dreams for?
When was the most ner­vous you have ever been?
What is the most lost (physically)you have ever been?
What is the most lost (emotionally)you have ever been?
What is the most depressed you have ever been?
What is the most money you have ever made?
What was the most revolt­ing thing you’ve ever had to do? (or would have to do?)
What is the most pre­cious object you own?
What was the most valu­able object you have ever lost?
What is the weird­est thing you own?
When are you most inse­cure?
When are you most con­fi­dent?
When were you most rejected?
When was the loneli­est you’ve ever been?

And finally…

What makes you feel the most you in life?

Now, this is just a start. Keep going…